Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You should frame my arrest warrant.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize