i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
