I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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