mondays should just be called national damage control day
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
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