"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
