why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
