Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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