woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
