I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
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I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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