pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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