I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
