They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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