Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
