I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize