Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
