Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
