Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
