Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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