I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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