Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
