so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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