the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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