My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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