you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
