it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
