Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
