my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
