So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
