i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
