4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
