i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
