Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
