im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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