he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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