I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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