yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
