come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
