You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
