that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The ass gains better be worth it
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