I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
