I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
