hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
