bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I wish life had little blips of pornography
This house was built for laser tag.
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New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
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My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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