Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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