I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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