Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
