im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize