Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Mom said you looked used
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
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I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
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If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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