I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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