Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
