We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
