you traded sex for a burrito?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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