on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
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I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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