Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
