We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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