I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
