I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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