You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
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I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
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don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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