so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
