Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
