just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
