Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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