He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The air was thick with penises
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
