I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
