OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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