my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My ass is underappreciated
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
