we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
