When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
