if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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