I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
