Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
