I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
