i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
