He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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