Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
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