I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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