Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
